Beer, Beamers and Born-Agains

Owning a BMW reduces risk of Prostate cancer?

A recent study by the American Cancer Society showed that men who had more than 20 ejaculations per month had a 33% reduced risk of prostate cancer and men who had between 13 and 20 ejaculations per month had a 17% reduced risk.

A recent poll by the German magazine, Men's Car, found that BMW drivers had more frequent sex than owners of any other make, with strangely, Porsche, at the bottom of the list, behind even Ford.

So, it would seem to follow logically that BMW drivers have a lower risk of getting Prostate cancer. All you middle-age-crisis types should pay some attention to which little red sports car you buy.

Putting beer on your corn flakes reduces risk of Prostate cancer?

In addition to the other proven health benefits of drinking beer (reduced risk of: heart disease, strokes, diabetes and gall stones), drinking 2 glasses of beer a day has been shown to reduce the risk of getting Dementia and/or Alzheimer's disease.

On the other hand, drinking just two glasses of milk per day has been shown to double a man's risk of getting Prostate cancer. (Women who drink two or more glasses of milk per day are twice as likely to suffer broken hips in old age.) AND, the New England Journal of Medicine published a study (on Feb 14, 2002) that shows that drinking milk doubles the risk of getting both Dementia and Alzheimer's.

It sounds like a pretty good idea to substitute beer for milk on your morning cereal.

Drinking fluoridated water leads to mental deficiency?

The US Environmental Protection Agency reports that 58% of Americans have a high health risk from drinking fluoridated water. Other recent scientific studies have shown that ingestion of fluorides lead to mental degradation and Alzheimer's disease.

Coincidentally, according to a recent Time Magazine poll, 58% of Americans believe that the Revelations of St John, commonly known as The Apocalypse, will come true in their lifetime.

Ronald Reagan, milk and fluoridated water drinker, prostate cancer victim, fervently believed in an immanent fulfillment of the so called prophecies of St John AND he suffered from advanced Alzheimer's.

g.W. bush stopped drinking beer and now believes in the Apocalypse. Hmmm. I wonder if he drinks milk. Does he brush with fluoridated toothpaste? How often does he do the wild thing? How's his prostate doing?

Is it possible that a brain chemical imbalance (excess fluorides and homocysteine (milk protean) leads to end of the world delusions? Or, is it possible that simply adopting strange beliefs leads to mental degradation and Alzheimer's? Or just maybe, it is simply that the lack of sexual activity leads to the loss of the prostate gland and to insanity.

Obviously, according to the evidence, if you want to live longer, be healthier, both physically and mentally, have more fun and get more of the horizontal bop, it is a good idea to have a beer or two each day and avoid milk and fluoridated water. (And maybe drive a BMW.)

If you start imagining that you hear angel's trumpets, or start imagining that you see 7-headed, red dragons in the sky, I'd suggest you check yourself into an advanced care retirement home and get your doc to lube up his glove.